Of the Darkest Truths
by theweirdworder
Summary: With knighthood and a marriage to Margarry looming in his future, Owen's life seems almost perfect. That all changes one day when a violent encounter leaves her forever changed. Angry and horrified, Owen is unsure of how to help her. Rating may change.
1. Prologue

Prologue 

Margarry was the girl who made him crazy. Owen thought about her when he was gone and he constantly wondered what she would think of everything he saw and of what she was doing back at Cavall. Their parting kisses were memories that would always be ingrained in his mind.

Wyldon only reluctantly let him court her, eyeing the two of them warily as they pleaded with him to let it happen. Of course, when they were alone, Wyldon told him that he could imagine no one better than him if she had to be dating _someone_.

"But of course," Wyldon said. "If you ever hurt her, I _will _kill you. That, Jesslaw, is a fact."

Owen solemnly replied that he could never imagine doing so and he absolutely couldn't. Owen had been with a couple of girls in between his time as a squire but those relationships never worked out. Yet Margarry was truly something special and he had never felt how he had with her. She was the most precious thing in his life and he would've given his life rather than have anything hurt her.

Owen could see his life mapped out ahead of him- he would be a knight, marry Margarry and have beautiful babies together. Yet nothing could have prepared him for the day when Margarry came into his room, sobbing, and told him everything.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

"Sit still on your saddle, Jesslaw. You're making me antsy," Wyldon said.

With the approaching Midwinter holiday, Wyldon and Owen were going back to Cavall to celebrate it with his family.

The very idea of seeing Margarry again was enough to make him jump for joy. She, too, was coming back from the convent where she was currently studying to become a lady.

"Sorry sir," Owen said, straightening on the saddle.

Why did it always seem that Wyldon's tone became gruffer when Owen happened to be thinking about Margarry? It was as if he could read Owen's mind and tell the difference, especially if those thoughts happened to be what Wyldon might consider quite lewd.

"You said that Margarry might be here by now?" Owen asked.

His relationship with his own family may have been less than ideal but at least he was returning to the one women who was his home.

"Yes, Owen, she should be here by now," Wyldon said slowly, as if the words pained him to say. "Eiralys and Cathrea cannot make it but Sunaraine, my second eldest, should be there."

Owen turned his head to hide his blush, hoping that Wyldon did not know the thoughts going through his mind. Unfortunately for him, that did not seem like the case as Wyldon was fixing him with a searing glare.

For a moment, Owen thought Wyldon was going to say something and then Owen would have to explain. Fortunately for him, as Cavall came into view, all previous thoughts were banished from their minds.

Owen kicked his horse Happy into a gallop.

"Jesslaw!" Wyldon called. "Slow down, you're going to kill that poor horse!"

Owen pretended not to hear and galloped up to the stables. His sole thought was Margarry. Of hearing her beautiful laugh and breathing in her scent and of rustling around with her behind the stables. Finally, oh finally.

By the time that Wyldon arrived, Owen was almost done putting Happy away. Usually Margarry would arrive to meet him and give him his customary hello kisses before Wyldon showed up.

Her last letter, come to think of it, sounded different than the others. Forcibly cheerful. He had meant to talk about it when he saw her again but he forgot in the midst of the excitement of seeing her.

"I thought you said she'd be here," he said.

Owen could not discern the expression on his knightmaster's face. "She should be. Vivienne said that she was let out earlier than we were. She might be taking a stroll or a nap or something."

Owen knew this was not the case and he knew that Wyldon did too. If Margarry knew that they would be there by now, then she would most certainly be watching for them on the porch.

Come to think of it, he had not seen her standing on the porch either.

Maybe she is being held up, he told himself. The convents were no place for someone like Margarry and sometimes they beat her down.

"They should be inside," Wyldon said.

No kisses for me, Owen thought. At least not now. It looked as if Wyldon had a sterner eye on him than usual. Later on he would be ashamed of those thoughts, but then he could not help but feel a twinge of disappointment.

They walked inside.

"Vivienne!'' Wyldon called. "Sunaraine, Margarry! We're here."

Sunaraine came running down the stairs like a madwoman, her brown hair shooting behind her like a cape, and embraced her father while Vivienne and Margarry walked behind them.

Usually Margarry would be running with her. The mistress of the fief may have learned to restrain her emotions to a simple smile but her daughter didn't. Instead she loomed behind, her face shadowed by a darkness that confounded him.

"Margarry,'' Owen said, running over to her. The excitement in his veins that had consumed him before was now being placed by an ever-increasing dread.

Owen went over to embrace her. She briefly let him put his arms around her before shrugging him off. She went over to her father and put her arms around her before quickly taking them off.

"Margarry," Owen said, reaching out to her.

She looked at him for a moment, looking as if she were about to cry. And then she ran up the stairs like a rabid racehorse.

"Margarry!" Wyldon called but she didn't answer.

"She's been like this since she's come back," Sunaraine said, shrugging. "Guess she must be moodier than usual."

Vivienne reached over and whispered something in Wyldon's ear. Owen's body tensed.

"What?" he asked but Wyldon didn't reply.

"Owen, can I get you something?" Vivienne asked, a forced smile stretched across her face.

"I'm fine," he said. Something was wrong, horribly wrong. At this point, Margarry should be chatting on and on and on about life at the convent and how much she missed them and/or making jokes. Normally she would have smiled and given them both a sweeping embrace.

He had counted on hearing her beautiful laugh again, not on seeing the look on her face of a despair so deep it wrenched his heart.

He had to see her. He had to find out what was wrong.

He stormed up the stairs.

"Owen!" Vivienne called but he ignored her. Instead he ran to the room that Margarry inhabited when she stayed at Cavall.

"Margarry, open up!" Owen called.

He heard no sound for a moment and debated whether or not he should go downstairs. Then he heard the sound of sniffling and ragged sobs on the other side of the door.

"Margarry, please,'' he said, his heart in his throat.

"Go away.'' The voice sounded tiny, so unlike her.

"Margarry, please!"

"Please, Owen!" The Margarry he knew would have demanded him too, yet the voice at the other side of the door was an earnest plead.

"You know," he said. "You can talk to me if something's upsetting you. I'll always listen."

He ran back downstairs, hoping that a good training session would get things off of his mind.

"No luck?" Vivienne asked.

"She's crying," Owen said, before he could stop himself.

"Sunaraine thinks it's just teenage stuff,'' Vivienne said.

"Maybe it is," replied Wyldon though his eyes were clouded with concern.

"I don't think so,'' Owen said. "Something's wrong. She's not acting like her usual self."

"I think so too," Vivienne said. "She talks to you more than she talks to Owen. If something's really wrong and she tells you, can talk to us?"

He nodded.

"I guess it's no use going up and trying to talk to her," Wyldon said.

"No, sir, I guess not."

"Well we need to train, Jesslaw," Wyldon said. "Come on. It'll get your mind off of things. Mine too, maybe."

Owen nodded again, hoping that it would dissolve the knot that had formed hard in his gut.

* * *

><p>Despite all the energy he put into training, he could not stop hearing her ragged sobs.<p>

Wyldon, perhaps sensing his thoughts, let him off early.

Dinner, usually a joyous occasion, was forced and awkward. Though Vivienne did her best to keep up her usual chatter, Margarry's despair was like a dark cloud over the table. She didn't say a word during dinner and she kept picking at the food on her plate. Owen had to resist the urge to reach out to her.

* * *

><p>When Owen went to bed that night, the knot in his stomach did not subside but only continued to harden. He could not go to sleep, haunted by the sounds of her sobs and wondering what was going on inside Margarry's head.<p>

It was then that he heard the knock on the door. He half-expected that it was Wyldon or Vivienne, begging for an explanation about what happened.

He went to the door.

It was not Wyldon and Vivienne but it was her. Margarry, with her hair knotty and a mess and her tears glistened by the lantern light.

Owen ran over to her and put his hand on her arm. She was shaking, taking ragged breaths. He took her lantern in his one hand and grabbed her own hand with his other.

He put the lantern on the floor and sat her down next to him.

"What happened to you, Margarry?"

Her body shook even more. She put her hand over her mouth, trying to suppress the sobs that threatened to come out.

"Oh Owen,'' she whispered. "Owen, Owen, Owen..."

She started to sob freely, her hand still over her mouth. He reached toward her but she pulled away again, wrapping her arms around herself as if to keep the secret and the sobs in.

"Owen...''

"What happened?"

"You can't tell anyone, do you hear me?" she said. "Promise me, you won't tell. I just... I have to tell someone."

The knot in his stomach turned into a sinking feeling. He wanted to throw up as the possible circumstances weighed his mind. "What happened?"

"Owen, please!" She gripped his arm, her eyes desperate and pleading.

He lowered his eyes, not daring to look at her. "Alright, I won't tell."

The last time he felt the way he felt that day was the day when he was told by his father that his mother was killed by bandits. It was the frozen feeling that gripped his mind and the shaking feeling throughout his limbs. That feeling when you know that nothing in your life would ever be the same again.

She looked into his eyes, her own only welling with tears. He could have never expected what she was going to say next.

"Owen, I was raped."


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As soon as she said the words, Owen felt the wind knocked out of him. "What?" His heart started pounding against his chest like a hammer and that knot in his stomach now threatened to combust inside of him.

It all made sense. A sick, horrible sense. The pieces started to form a horrible, gruesome picture.

Not his Margarry. No, not Margarry. That kind of thing didn't happen to girls with loving families and rich homes, girls who were supposed to be sealed away by their overprotective fathers in convents that were supposed to protect them. It couldn't. It just couldn't.

She looked away from him. "I was," she whispered. "I was. You have to believe me, Owen."

"I believe you,'' he said. "Oh gods, I believe you."

For a moment, he was silent. "Oh Mithros, Margarry,'' he whispered. "You have to tell them."

"You can't! You promised you wouldn't!"

He didn't say anything. Each moment it got harder and harder to breathe as the reality of the situation set in.

She didn't say anything either but she kept her eyes on the ground.

"Who did this to you?" he asked finally, barely able to keep his voice under control.

"Tikal of Somersen. He was studying to be a mage at the university next to the convent."

He couldn't breathe. He didn't know what to say, the emotions and the shock rolling over him like a tidal wave.

"Owen," she said finally. "I think I'm pregnant."

"Oh gods, Margarry," he said. "You really have to tell someone."

"I can't," she said. "I can't, I can't, I can't."

"Margarry..."

"Just stay with me tonight, Owen,'' she said. "Please. Things are just really bad now. I can't stop thinking about it... I don't think I can sleep by myself tonight."

"Okay," he said. If she had asked this before, he would have cried to her about how her father would kill him or at the very least castrate him. Yet that sick feeling did not leave his stomach and Owen felt paralyzed and numb all over.

So he moved over and let her stay in bed. Neither of them really slept, but they held each other's hands until morning came.

When Owen saw the first streams of light peak through his window, he nudged her.

"It's time to get up."

She turned over to look at him. Her eyes were distant and her mouth was set in a straight line.

"We have to go downstairs," he said, his voice shaking.

She nodded. He squeezed her hand again and she looked away from him. He felt his heart plunge in his chest.

He had to tell Wyldon and Vivienne. Yet was that really his secret to tell? If this sick bastard was still on the loose, then he could hurt another girl. And if Margarry was really pregnant... It wasn't something they could avoid forever. Eventually someone would have to find out.

He wanted to scream and he wanted to cry but he couldn't do that. Just the thought of Margarry being hurt like that made him want to throw up. Not with Margarry still there, still needing him.

Somehow he managed to walk down the stairs and to the breakfast table, holding Margarry's hand the whole time. The whole time he was reminded of the night before. He wanted to speak but his throat was closed up.

At first, he tried not to speak. When the servants asked him what he would like, he answered with nods and head shakes. It wasn't much different than his usual morning self, too tired to talk.

One by one, the occupants of the house made their way downstairs. Owen could not look at any of them but instead he just chewed the food that he could not swallow. The events of the other night swam through his mind and the words of it were stuck in his throat.

He couldn't even bring himself to look at Wyldon or at Margarry. He was doing such a disservice with both of them by just sitting there and pretending that everything was alright.

"Sir, I'm not hungry."

"We have a big day ahead of us, Owen."

"Sir..." He still could not pick his head up to look at his knightmaster. The events that happened the night before churned inside of him.

He felt the scrutiny of Wyldon's gaze but he could still not bring himself to look at the man.

"What is it, Jesslaw? Look at me when you're speaking."

He looked up at his knightmaster's scrutinizing gaze. "Nothing, sir. Never mind."

Breakfast continued like that. He could feel Margarry's gaze from across the table, begging him not to tell. And, despite how much he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth and speak the truth.

Yet he knew the truth would come out eventually. It was only a matter of how.

"Is something on your mind, Jesslaw?" Wyldon asked during practice. "Your focus is off."

"No, sir. I'm fine."

"Are you sure something isn't bothering you?"

"No. Nothing's bothering me."

"You're not acting like usual. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, sir."

"Is it about Margarry? You said you would tell us if you knew what was bothering her.

"No," he lied. He still could not bring himself to look at his face.

"Then focus," he commanded. The words lacked their usual bite and he could still hear the concern there.

Yet even as he mounted Happy once more and tried to aim at the target, he could not get his mind off of it.

Oh gods, he thought. Oh gods, Margarry.

Soon or later, he would have to talk about it. The truth had to come out somehow and they might as well tell them together.

The heat of his scrutiny remained on Owen once again and this time it would not leave.

Owen found her after practice. She was staring into a pond that was on Cavall. Her eyes were distant and her expression shook him to his very core.

"Margarry," he said.

"Owen." Her voice was empty, a monotone. It shook Owen to his very core.

"You have to tell someone."

She nodded. "I know." Her voice shook. She turned away from him but he could feel her pain through his own heart. He expected her to argue.

"Margarry..."

"I got myself checked out today, Owen," she said. "I'm pregnant."

"I can marry you," he said quickly. His heart was in his throat and tears were in his eyes but he couldn't let her see his distress. "I was planning to eventually but now... I can if you..."

"No,'' she said, her face stony. "I can't do this, Owen."

"So you want an abortion, Margarry?" She nodded feebly. "We can find someone. I know your father doesn't approve of that kind of thing but.."

"We can tell them together, okay?" He didn't know how he would tell Wyldon with clear eyes and a strong voice but if Margarry somehow found a way then he would have to also. "We might as well get it over with."

She nodded again. He squeezed her hand and she looked up at him with tears in her eyes. Owen felt as if the words had been knocked out of him and he wanted to cry then too.

It wasn't that hard to find them. Wyldon was in the kitchen, talking to Vivienne and Sunaraine. Now, he thought. Now was the time that he had to tell them.

Owen squeezed her hand and she squeezed his hand back. Owen wished for a moment that he could will it all away. He felt as if his stomach had dropped four stories and that his nerves had turned to clay.

"Mother, Father," she said, her voice trembling. "I have to tell you something."

Wyldon and Vivienne exchanged a look with each other. Then Wyldon looked over to Owen. Owen forced himself to look into his eyes. He could not convey the horror of the situation with looks alone.

"Something really, really bad happened in the convent and I don't know what to do now."

Oh gods, Owen wanted to retch. He wanted to close his eyes and wake up to a smiling Margarry. Because the pain was so clear on her face then and everything became more real than ever.

"What is it, Margarry?" Vivienne asked. Though her voice was calm, her eyebrows were scrunched together and her eyes were wild with alarm.

Owen wondered if the pieces were fitting together for them too. Yet when their expressions of alarm and concern only increased, the silence become heavy and unbearable.

"Just tell us, Margarry," Wyldon said, his voice gruff. "What did you do?"

"Tell them already," Owen said.

He could not bear to look at their faces as they heard the news so he looked away from them.

Margarry started sobbing harder. And then, between sobs, she told them. Owen lifted his head and looked at them as their world came undone.

Wyldon had paled and Vivienne started to cry. Sunaraine stood there with her eyes wide and her mouth open, beseeching the gods over and over and over again. Margarry stood with her head bent and her body wracked with spasms. Owen wanted to reach out and put his hand on her but she was frozen.

"What?" Wyldon asked.

"You heard me," she said.

There was a heavy silence that had descended upon the room as what Margarry had told them sunk in.

"Why did you wait so long to tell us?" Wyldon asked, his face contorted.

She didn't look at him. "Because now I know I'm pregnant," she said, her voice soft.

"Are you sure?" Vivienne asked, raising a tear-stained face.

"She got herself checked out," Owen said, his voice raw. He felt as if someone else was speaking.

"Could it be Owen's?" Sunaraine asked, her jaw trembling.

"I haven't seen her in three months," he said.

"I'm going to kill that bastard,'' Wyldon said, his face reddening and his hands turning into fists. "I'll kill him."

Margarry shook his head. "No, no, please Daddy." She reached out for him but he turned away from them.

Owen saw the man's shoulders heave and his body shake before he stormed out of the room.

He turned to look at the other women in the room. Vivienne began to weep again and Sunaraine's face was turned away from him.

Margarry fled from the room. He wanted to chase after her but he felt frozen in place.

"You knew," Sunaraine said.

He didn't say anything. He wanted to tell her how she had told him, late at night, with eyes fevered with desperation. His mouth felt like it was stitched shut and he could not open it.

"You said you would tell us," Vivienne cried.

He still could not speak.

Sunaraine walked away from him, her speed increasing with each step she took. Vivienne kept her eyes on Owen and with each passing moment her glare become hotter and hotter.

He tried to speak again but he could not form the words.

Finally Vivienne walked away from him but he was cemented to the very spot at which he stood.

His body started to shake and he finally felt the horror inside pour out of him.

And so the unraveling of all of their worlds began.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

Though their world might have felt like it ended, life still went on that day. There was still dinner to eat, made by staff clueless of what was going on. The tension at the table could not helped but be felt by those who knew.

At first it was silent. The deadly, horrible silence that comes before a storm. Words didn't have to be said because the silence said everything.

Wyldon turned to Margarry. "Who did it?" he said.

The man who was once called the Stump was now brimming with emotion. His face was red and his hands were shaking that it was truly frightening to watch. Margarry turned away from him.

"Margarry..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"This isn't the place..." Vivienne began, her calm composure crumbling as she spoke.

He slammed his fist on the table. "We can't speak about it as if everything's alright! It happened and she's..."

"Wyldon..."

He stormed off again, leaving the stunned family members in his wake.

"I'm not hungry," Margarry mumbled as she pushed her food away.

The rest of the meal didn't taste so good to Owen. Having to shove it down a throat already holding a scream lessened the experience of eating it considerably.

Owen knew that it would be another sleepless night. Another night shuffling in bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling and cursing the gods.

Gods, would things ever be the same again? Looking at her broken just killed him inside.

There was a knock at the door. This time Owen knew better then to think it was Wyldon.

"Come in," he called.

She walked into the room with sad, scared eyes and sat down on the bed.

"I ruined Midwinter this year, Owen. I never should have told. I should've just gotten rid of it and..."

"That asshole ruined Midwinter, Margarry, not you."

"I shouldn't have been wandering around by myself. I shouldn't have let him take me back..." She broke off, her eyes distant.

He grabbed her arm and forced her to look into his eyes. "Margarry, listen to me. This isn't your fault. It's his. No... No means no."

"I could've..."

"Gods, I'm going to kill that bastard. Margarry, listen to me. It. Wasn't. Your. Fault."

She looked away from him and sighed. "Owen..."

"Margarry..."

"Can we take care of it tomorrow? I can't stand knowing that it's... inside of me still. It's almost like he still is."

"Okay but I have to do it after training. And your father... He can't know about it. You know how he's..."

"He thinks it's murder, I know. I just... I can't do this anymore, Owen."

He squeezed her hand. "Okay. It isn't his choice, Margarry."

"I feel so..._dirty_, Owen." Her voice broke and her jaw trembled. A single tear fell down her face. Owen wanted to cry with her but he knew that he could not let her see his tears.

"You're not dirty, Margarry," he said. "You're not dirty."

"You don't think so... " she said and her voice was so desperately hopeful that he flinched. "You would take me back, Owen? We could... do it again? I don't want to be like this anymore."

"We can, when you're ready."

"I don't... I don't... I don't wanna be dirty, Owen." She covered her face with her hands and her back started heaving.

When Owen put his arms around her that time, she didn't shrug him off but she squeezed him so hard that for a moment he couldn't breathe.

"I can't sleep by myself tonight," she said, her voice raspy. "I'm just... I can't be alone."

"Okay," he said. "You can stay with me. Come in."

She slid in besides him and clutched his hand. Once again, Owen spent most of that night staring at the ceiling.

Breakfast was just as horrible as dinner, but at least morning grogginess made the pain less acute.

The worst part of the day was waking up. For one moment, forgetting what had happened and then looking at her sleeping figure besides him and remembering what had happened.

She gave him a pleading look and he knew what she was asking. If he refused to go with her then he knew she would only go by herself and only the gods knew who she would find.

He had to go with her. If Wyldon refused, then he

He pulled aside his knightmaster aside after breakfast.

"Can we take a break from practicing today?"

"No," Wyldon said, his tone sharp. "You need to train. The Ordeal will creep up faster than you know."

Owen looked at the ground. "Margarry asked me to. She said she needed me."

Wyldon's head jerked up. "What?"

"She wants to..."

Wyldon blanched and he turned away from Owen. "Owen, she's confused after...everything. Don't even think about it."

"What? That's not it at all. She just needs..."

"Oh," Wyldon said. "I'm sorry, Jesslaw. This has just been.. really hard."

"So... can I?"

Owen heard the sharp intake of his breath. "Yes. Just... don't try anything. Not now."

"Fine."

Owen thought that Wyldon was going to let him go. However when he was walking away, Wyldon gripped his arm and yanked him back.

"What does she want to do?"

"She just needs..."

"She said she was pregnant, Owen. What are you going to do?"

Owen hesitated. He couldn't lie to his knightmaster yet he was set in his decision. "I don't know. Whatever she wants me to do, I guess."

"If she ends her pregnancy, she'll regret it the rest of her life. She doesn't need that to deal with."

What did he know? He didn't see the horror on her face and the desperation in her eyes. "It's her choice."

"I'm not letting you go then."

"I'm not forcing her to do it by herself."

"Owen!"

Owen ran away from him, terrified of his knightmaster catching up after him. He needed to get to Margarry, needed to help her.

He ran to the stables. Wyldon wouldn't go there because he didn't know that that was their secret spot.

Margarry was already there, her hands clasped and her eyes to the ground. She looked up when Owen came near her.

"Hey," he said. "I'm here." He didn't need to worry her with the details that her father was coming after them, begging Margarry not to make a horrible mistake. That alone filled Owen with rage.

What kind of father would force his daughter to carry her rapist's baby against her will? It wasn't like the baby was close to term or anything so there wasn't a reason for her to feel guilty. He loved Margarry but how could he let his conservative ways cloud what was best for her?

"Thank you," she said. "I don't think I could do this by myself."

The look in her eyes told him that it was worth coming there. He took her hand and squeezed it. He couldn't tell her how it would be alright or anything of the sort because there was no guarantees that it would be.

"We have to get going," Owen said.

"Yeah," she said. "I should do this before..."

Owen squeezed her hand. "You don't have to do this. I would marry you. I told you so."

"Yes I do," she said. "I do."

"Your father's coming after us."

Her eyes flashed. She gripped his arm and she glared at him. "Did you tell him?" she asked. When he didn't answer, she gripped him harder. "How could you tell him? I trusted you."

"He found out, Margarry, I..."

She didn't seem to hear him. Her eyes looked as if they were focused somewhere else, somewhere in a place where Owen couldn't reach.

"I trusted you," she said. Her eyes were glazed over and she was staring at the sky. "I trusted you, I trusted you, I trusted you..."

Owen felt himself freeze, his insides turning in on him and twisting inside of him.

He grabbed her. "Margarry, Margarry..."

There was no use. He could not pull her from whatever dark hole that she fell into.

She squirmed away from his grasp absently. She stopped talking, staring blankly at the ground.

"Margarry..."

She looked at him for a moment and then she started furiously kicking at the ground.

"Margarry..."

She didn't stop but her moments only became more frenzied.

Oh gods, he couldn't do this anymore. It was one thing to hear her cry but it was quite another to see her lose control like this.

"Margarry, stop!"

She looked up at him and the look on her evaporated. It was like she was stuck in a bubble of some sort and the bubble popped.

Her head fell into her hands and she started to emit this horrible choked sound. With tentative steps, Owen walked towards her and put a hand on her shoulder.

She took her head out of her hands and looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

"What am I gonna do, Owen?" she said, her voice so small. "What am I gonna do now?"

He was frozen; words were lost on him. He had to say something. With those big wide eyes, he knew that she expected him to say _something_ to her. "Maybe... Maybe you'll miscarry."

She flinched, turning away from him. Owen cursed himself for saying the wrong thing.

"I can't do this, Owen," she said. "I can't, I can't..."

"I can marry you, Margarry," he offered up lamely. "I can..."

She just shook her head and stared at the sky. "Owen, you don't, you don't..." Her voice became more heated with each word. Finally she sighed and moved away from him.

There was nothing for him to say. Nothing would make it better so what was the point? It was bad enough that she couldn't stand to look at him but now she couldn't stand to be near him.

Of course marriage wouldn't be the easy solution. It would only help the baby and it might help Wyldon but it wouldn't help her. It wouldn't take the memory of that terrible night away from her.

"Margarry..." He didn't know what to say to her but he only knew that he couldn't stand another moment of silence.

She didn't turn around. She just stood there as if she were made of stone. Owen wanted to shake her and make her speak to him but the rational part of him stopped him from doing so.

He looked up at the door frame to see Wyldon in the shadows, his facial features blurred by the darkness. The sight of him filled Owen with a seething rage as he wondered how his knightmaster could have dared to have witnessed the scene before him.

He looked back at Margarry but she hadn't changed. He knew that his knightmaster was judging him and he supposed that he was probably failing miserably in Wyldon's eyes.

Yet there was nothing to be done now, nothing that needed to be said. There was just the horrible blackness in front of him as well as that which lurked in his head.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Somehow he managed to lead her inside, walk her up to her room. The entire she walked she had this dead, empty expression in her eyes and it shook him to the core. Maybe they could talk about what was to come some other time, Owen figured though the very thought made his stomach sick.

He heard Wyldon behind him before he saw him. He began to shake, his hands balled into fists so tight that his nails began to cut into his skin. Fighting the urge to strike something, he turned around.

"She didn't do it." Wyldon said it like a statement, not a question.

Owen shook his head. "It's not your choice. She'll do it if she wants."

"It's not yours either."

"She wanted to do it."

Wyldon glared at him with eyes that could melt stone. "Did you pressure her into it?"

Before he might have dropped his eyes and shook his head. He might have let Wyldon make him do whatever Wyldon wanted him to do. But right then and there he could not do that. His heart was thumping so hard in his chest that blood was rushing through his head and he felt as if he was going to explode. "How dare you," he growled. "I didn't make her do anything. You are."

"I'm only telling her to do what's right."

"What's right? You really think that's right? It's like... it's you're punishing her for it!"

Wyldon flinched as if he had been slapped. As Owen watched the emotions war across his face, he desperately wished he could take it back.

For the millionth time, he could not believe he was dealing with everything right now. He should have been fighting with his knightmaster over petty things but not... Not that.

"I'm sorry, sir."

"I'm not punishing her, Owen."

"Sir..."

"I am _not _punishing her."

The look in his eyes were distant and in that moment, Owen could not read his face. "It wasn't her fault, Owen. It's.. It's mine."

"Sir..."

He hung his head, his hands turning into fists at his side. "I... I... Oh Mithros, I want to kill him."

"Me too." And suddenly the anger came back to him, forming a knot in his stomach.

For a moment, they said nothing leaving the air heavy with things unsaid before Wyldon broke it.

"I only ever wanted what was best for her, Owen," he said softly. "I never thought things would turn out like this."

Owen turned away from him. He couldn't get Margarry out of his head, the Margarry of before. Once again, he found himself with tears in his eyes and the words locked up inside of him.

"We don't have to practice today," Wyldon said finally. "You can take the day off."

"Yes sir," Owen said, his voice soft.

Wyldon nodded. His face was stony but his eyes were sad. Owen wondered for a moment if the man ever cried.

He didn't know whether or not to knock on Margarry's door or not. Telling from the sobs on the other side of the door, he knew that she was there. If she needed him, he couldn't leave her there and if she needed her space... If she needed her space, then he would only be making it worse for her.

That few moments stood frigid in the air until he finally brought his hand out and wrapped upon the door.

"Margarry," he called. He took a deep breath, willing the demons clawing at his throat to recede. "Margarry, do you want me to..."

He shut his eyes. He couldn't break down in front of Margarry, he just couldn't... Oh gods, he just wanted her to open the damn door.

She did. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were bloodshot. Owen reached his arm out towards her but she turned away.

"I can't do this," she said.

"Margarry..." What could he say? He didn't know if he could do it either. Once again he felt that horrible helplessness. His thoughts stay stuck in his brain as his tongue refused to work.

"I can marry you, Margarry," he said again helplessly. "You won't have to..."

She shook her head at him, ducking her head. "Do you really think that will help things, Owen? Really?"

The stark pain in her eyes made him flinch. He knew the answer before she turned her head away from him and he cursed himself for not saying anything.

"Margarry..." he said again, knowing how completely useless the calling out of her name really was. The words were twisted together inside of him into a useless pile of incomprehensible mush. "Margarry..."

She shook her head. "I can't do this anymore."

The lump in his throat strangling him, Owen opened his mouth and yet found himself unable to speak. There was nothing he could say to take away her pain, the pain that she would be feeling for as long as she would live. Every day that she woke up, it would be the very demon she would be forced to fight.

Gods, he could not believe that on top of everything she would have that pervert's child. The very thought of it made Owen sick.

For the longest time, she stood at the door frame with her head bowed as he stood frozen.

"Think about it," he said finally, trying to keep a hold of his breath. "If you want to do it again, I can take you tomorrow to..."

"You won't have to do that," she said, her eyes empty with that distant look again. Something about the tone of her voice chilled Owen to his very marrow. He reached out to her but once again she turned away from him.

"Margarry, I..."

She pushed him away and shoved him out of the door, leaving a stunned Owen standing in her wake.

For the rest of the day, Owen found himself wandering around aimlessly around the house doing random chores to keep himself busy. A few times he and Vivienne passed each other in the hallway and gave each other fleeting looks but she always quickly scampered away from him.

Margarry didn't come down for dinner. For a moment, they all shared anxious glances but no one at the table said anything. With each moment that passed so had the tension.

At first Owen thought she just needed time to collect herself. Yet the more he thought about it, he thought of how she always came down no matter how gloomy she looked. Yet in the times before she used to take extra time if she had gone out or something or if she felt like making herself up pretty.

As the silence drew on, it became harder and harder to sit peaceably. Margarry's absence was a gaping hole from the dinner table, a visible ache.

Before it would have been easy. Wyldon would have just called up to her impatiently, demanding her to come done as he threatened to revoke some privilege of hers. Now all that Vivienne and Wyldon could do was exchange looks, visibly debating their course of action.

"That's it," Wyldon said. "We can't just let her food get cold like that."

"Wyldon..."

"Margarry!" he called. His voice lacked the brusqueness that it usually would have had but instead it was gentle.

There was no answer.

"Margarry, if you don't want to eat just tell us!" There was a desperate quavering in his voice that rarely appeared.

"I'll go get her," Vivienne said, her movements hesitant and her eyes wary.

Wyldon nodded warily to her and Owen felt a sick feeling at the pit of his stomach. Sunaraine and Wyldon and him exchanged looks with each other and afterward he ducked his head.

He heard a series of screams from upstairs and right then and there his heart plunged into his chest. "No, Margarry, don't! Please!"

"Oh gods, Wyldon come up here please!"

That was all it took for Wyldon to dart up the stairs, his eyes wide and his features paled.

Sunaraine stood wide-eyed at the table. "What..."

Owen was never the type to stand around and soon enough he found his legs running up the stairs to. Soon enough he found himself nearing Margarry's chambers, feeling the intense urge to retch.

What he saw made Owen wished he had never stepped a foot up the stairs. From the crack in the doorway, he could see Wyldon try to wrestle a knife from Margarry's hands.

All Owen could do was stand there frozen.

With anyone else, it wouldn't have taken so long. Wyldon would have easily wrested it from their hands and all would be good. Yet between the shaking of his hands and the urge not to hurt her,

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she had the saddest, most forlorn look in her eyes. Owen wanted to tear his eyes away yet found himself unable too.

"I can't do this anymore," she sobbed. "Please."

Vivienne's eyes were wild with fear and Owen could see from where he was how she struggled to contain herself.

Finally Wyldon wrenched the knife from her hands, his face wrenched in an expression of horror and sorrow deeper than could be described.

"No!" Margarry reached for the knife desperately like a hungry man reaching for food.

"I can't believe you would want to do this," he said before walking away, ruffling his hand through his hair.

Margarry curled up into a ball at the edge of the bed, her head between her legs.

Vivienne stayed standing by the doorway, paralyzed.

That was it. It could not go on like this any longer. That man had to be brought to justice.

**Wow... my updating has sucked. I'm sorry! School's been rough for me, especially as a freshman. I'll update as soon as I can. I hope you liked the chapter. **


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Can I come in?"

This time it was not Margarry's soft voice but Wyldon's gruff one. He knew what Wyldon would talk about; it was the very thing that was making his stomach churn all night.

Wyldon sat on the bed, his eyes piercing Owen's. The man leaned forward, "Do you know who did this to her?"

"Tikal of Somersen. A mage, she said."

"So she knew."

"Yeah. She didn't tell me anything else though."

For the most terrible stretch of time, neither of them said anything.

"I should have seen it coming."

"You couldn't have known. I..."

"She was hurting," Wyldon said, his head bowed. "I should have gotten her help, sent her to Corus but I thought..."

"She needs to Corus."

"I know. We are sending her there."

"That bastard needs to be caught."

Wyldon ducked his head. "He has to be on university grounds," Wyldon said softly. "We can't get him on his fief unless he commits an act of treason."

Gods, that was a stupid law. Someone who committed treason could be held accountable for it but not a rapist. Somehow the traitor was supposed to be more dangerous. Owen felt his fists clench to his sides and his heart pound furiously in his chest. "We need to get him."

"I know." His eyes were stony, filled with a rage that chilled Owen to the core. "We will get him, Jesslaw. Even if I have to..."

"I'll do it first, trust me. I'll kill him first."

Owen didn't even know what the man looked like. That didn't matter though, in his fantasy. Owen would knock on his door and yell for him and then he would go to his room. He would sputter and apologize but Owen would not give him mercy. Then... Then Owen would do it. Just imagining the feel of his hands around this Tikal's neck brought Owen an immeasurable amount of satisfaction.

Caught up in his own fantasies, Owen didn't even the shifting of Wyldon's features.

Finally he looked up. "She's my baby girl, Jesslaw. My last one. I was supposed to protect her."

"You didn't..."

"It was my fault. I was the one who told her to stay there another year until you became a knight..."

Owen said nothing, thinking of how if only he could have graduated earlier than all of this could be avoided. Maybe he should have just had some premonition of what would happen so that he could tell Wyldon or run away to see her. Or maybe he should have taught her to defend herself. Maybe...

"It's not your fault," Wyldon said. "I shouldn't have..."

"There's nothing we can do about it now." Some desperate sort of sound came out of Owen's mouth then, a hybrid between a bitter chuckle and a sob.

"No," he said, turning away from Owen. "I guess there isn't."

The silence came again, the awful silence.

"Maybe Corus will help her," Wyldon said hopefully.

"Can I go with her?" Owen asked.

"Well I can't just leave you here, can I?" Wyldon's voice was as thin as a piece of fraying string and it hit Owen how close the man was to snapping.

"What are we going to do about her..."

"I don't know," Wyldon snapped. He covered his face with his hand. "I don't know."

That, at least, was better than his reaction before though Owen did not feel comforted.

Wordlessly, Wyldon left the room. Owen stared at him as he walked away, feeling that empty pit in the bottom of his stomach as he walked away from him. He turned away to stare at the wall.

"Oh gods," he whispered at nothing. There was no point for him to pray then, he thought, when the gods had allowed the atrocity that had happened to Margarry. He closed his eyes and bit his lip.

Owen closed his eyes, doing his best to shut out the feelings that were overwhelming him. He hoped with everything inside of him that Margarry would get the peace that she so deserved in Corus. Part of him even hoped that she would go back to being the Margarry who he had known, though he knew better than to seriously think like that.

He twisted and turned in bed as he tried to wrest control over his demons and go to bed. Finally, after what had seemed like eons, Owen's thoughts mercifully faded to black.

Breakfast was even more agonizing than usual. Owen just could not look Vivienne straight in the eye and she couldn't do the same for him. The topic of what happened with Margarry hung in the air yet no one could seem to bring it up. Their heads hung, they ate silently and that very silence weighed down on them like bags of boulders upon their shoulders.

"We're sending Dan up to help you with your bags, Sunaraine," Vivienne said.

"She's leaving?" Wyldon said, turning to Vivienne.

"Well we can't expect her to stay here, can we?" Vivienne asked. Owen couldn't help but notice the glare in her eyes and the testiness in her voice, when there had only been a tone of respect before.

"No," Wyldon said. He turned away from her and hung his head. It brought the saddest sort of feeling in Owen.

Owen looked at Margarry. Her own brown eyes were leveled away from him, distant and staring at nothing. She was in a place where he could not reach her and that knowledge was enough to kill a part of him.

"I'm sorry, Father," Sunaraine said.

"I understand. I wouldn't want to drag you to Corus with us with everything and..."

His voice trailed off as if he did not have the energy to speak any longer. Sunaraine bowed her head and wrung her hands, not daring to look at him. All Owen could do was watch, feeling the threads of their family fray even more.

Sunaraine got up and Owen watched her.

"You should get ready, Owen," Wyldon said. "We'll be leaving soon."

Owen nodded and headed up the stairs. As he headed up the stairs, he could not help but turn around and look at Margarry.

Her head was turned towards the window and Owen knew that he would still see that terrible empty look in her eyes.

He couldn't bear to see her like this anymore. He just couldn't. Owen turned away from her and dragged himself up the stairs, hoping that Corus would bring back to old Margarry or at least some of her.

He got ready to leave in his room. Thought flashed through his mind as he imagined what she was thinking when she had the knife in her hands or when he came with her when she thought she was going to end her pregnancy or the night after she was... She was... He couldn't even think the word, much less say it but it festered in the back of his mind like a raw wound and stole the air from his chest.

He put on his breeches with shaking hands; at one point, he realized that he had put them on backwards.

You don't have much time, you don't have much time, Owen kept telling himself as he urged himself to rush. Soon Wyldon will come up and he will make sure you are ready and...

It was silly, he would realized later, but he kept telling himself how upset Wyldon was and how easily he would snap. He kept imagining being left behind, told that he didn't come soon enough by an irate knightmaster.

Finally, when he was ready, he found that he just couldn't go down the stairs. He was paralyzed. It felt as if a giant was squeezing his heart again and again and again and he began to feel faint; it felt as if another were holding his feet down to the floor because his feet felt too heavy for him to pick up.

Somehow he found a way to walk down the stairs. He had his bag of things in his hand and he gripped the railing with the other.

He found Wyldon sitting on the chair downstairs, his eyes directed towards the ceiling.

He realized that Wyldon had probably not even realized how long it took Owen to get ready at all but that, like Owen, he was probably too caught up in his own thoughts to register his own thoughts.

"Sir..." Owen said tentatively. He half-expected to see the sorrow in his eyes to turn into rage. Half- expected that Wyldon would call him out about his time then and there.

That didn't happen, though. Instead Wyldon still sat there, barely perking his ears at his approach.

The man didn't even look up at Owen's approach but kept his gaze to the floor. "The stuff's loaded outside," Wyldon said. "Vivienne and Margarry are ready. Sunaraine left."

"Oh... okay."

Owen went out the door, going to where they both were. He stopped when he realized his knightmaster wasn't behind him.

"We have to go."

"Right, right," Wyldon said.

Wyldon got up, but he still didn't pick up his head.

Outside, Owen could see them waiting. He could see the horses and knew that it was time to go.

He got onto Happy and looked to see Wyldon get on his own horse. Then, wordlessly, they took off to a world that would hopefully bring Margarry justice and peace.

He looked at her with her head held down and he hoped the best for her with everything he had.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

The ride to Corus went by with virtually little words spoken between all of them. The plan was to find quarters to sleep at, in the palace maybe, and to report the case so that they could charge him and have a trial. They also went to see if they could find help at the temples of the Great Mother Goddess where she might be counseled by the women there. Being as men were barred from it, only Vivienne could accompany her and Wyldon and Owen would be kept out.

The very thought of separating from her for an unknown amount of time terrified him. Maybe looking at her made his heart twist and his stomach sick but it was only because looking at her stricken face reminded him exactly of what had happened to her. At least, looking at her... He knew. Away from her, he would be left totally unaware of her mental and physical condition and he would always feel that way. Plus... In the convent, her decision over her own body would be taken out of her hands until it was too late.

Eventually they ended up at Corus. The ride in was wordless, the air filled with things that no one dared to say.

They were within the city walls. Around them was the hustling and bustling of busy people oblivious to their tragedy. The smell of smoke and other odors burned his nose.

Owen did everything that he could not to scream or retch then and there. More amazing yet was his ability to turn and face his knightmaster.

"What will we do?" he asked Wyldon.

Asking it almost forced them to talk of what had happened. Almost. Looking at around at the others who had rode with him, Owen knew that they would not quite allow that to happen.

"We're going to the temple, Owen."

"The temple?"

"Yes. At least... Vivienne and Margarry are. You and I are going to my room in the castle."

Owen's breath hitched in his throat at the thought of separating from her. "Margarry is..."

"Yes, Jesslaw." Wyldon's tone was curt and brusque, his eyes stern. Still Owen felt the need to continue to push his knightmaster's boundaries.

"Then what will we do there?"

"What we have been doing. You need to get back on your studies anyway, focus..."

Somehow Owen felt his need to pester his knightmaster morph into exasperation. He focused on the road in front of him and the sound of the horses' hooves hitting the cobblestones.

Owen looked over at Margarry. Her head was bowed, and her mouth pursed into a thin line. She didn't look away at his glance but she looked straight into his eyes. Her own eyes revealed a world of agony and terror below them. It looked like she would break if he touched her.

"Margarry," he called. If he was next to her, he would have squeezed her hand. Being as they were separated a few inches, he tried to convey reassurance through a weak half-smile and eyes that talked without speaking.

The pain in her eyes increased. He wanted to kick himself for only making things worse.

She opened her mouth as if she were going to say something but then promptly closed it. All Owen could do was hang his head and half-heartedly steer his horse and lead the way.

Surely enough the temple loomed in the distance. All Owen could do was bow his head and hope that it would somehow vanish from his eyesight.

It didn't. The temple seemed to glare him and to smirk at him as he came closer. As the temple came closer, Owen was forced to think of what it meant for Margarry and for them.

They couldn't make her go. Margarry was always one to scoff at the priestesses and their narrow-minded assertions of the world. Owen could assume from Margarry's account that back at the convent, those priestesses had tried so hard to make things uniform and so hard to make the girls follow each and every silly little rule. It seemed as if the light had been stolen from Margarry's eyes but... could they steal the last bit of life from her too?

There was so much that he wanted to ask Wyldon, so much that he wanted to say but... He knew that he would only make things worse by asking so he kept his mouth shut and let his feelings fester inside of him.

"We're here," Wyldon announced.

Margarry looked at Owen and then to her father. "Don't go."

"We can't go inside, sweetheart."

"I... I can't..."

"We're going to try to help you," Wyldon said. "We're bringing him to justice, get him off of his fief somehow..."

"Don't go," she said. Her eyes were wild and frenzied as she looked from Wyldon to Owen.

"We're helping you," Wyldon began. It seemed like something deep inside was howling deep within him.

"Owen... Owen, please, you said you would go with me..."

Wyldon turned to Owen, an accusing look on his face.

"I never told you that," he said. "I can't go in there."

"I can't have it," she said. "I can't. They'll make me have it. And they'll make me..."

Oh gods, he couldn't do this. He couldn't leave her there with that look in her eyes and with that situation on her hands.

"They can't make you do anything. You can get it with..."

"I need you."

She didn't need him, he knew. He was only making things worse for her. That fact alone broke his heart.

"I... No, you don't..."

She hung her head and he hung his too.

"Please go, Margarry," Wyldon said. "You... you need to go. Your mother will be with you."

"Fine," she said. "Fine."

She sounded resigned to her fate in a way that made Owen want to drag her with them.

"I'll... I'll see you when you get out. Maybe we can pick you up and..." Owen said, fumbling for words as he tried to fend off the silence.

Margarry didn't say anything. If anything she looked as if she had been slapped, as if he had betrayed her by giving her up to the temple.

Owen wanted to tell her that he didn't want her to hurt and that he would do anything to help her. As usual though, the words were stuck in his throat and he could not say anything.

"We will be back," Wyldon said.

Owen knew just then what he wanted to say- he wanted to tell her that things would get better but he could not tell her a lie. What might not come true, what he felt would probably not come true.

"Come on, Margarry" Vivienne said, tugging at Margarry's sleeve.

Margarry gave Owen one last sad look in Owen's direction. Then she hung her head and let herself be dragged inside. Owen watched her form as she left until she vanished into the building. When he finally could no longer see her, he felt his heart drop in his chest.

"Oh gods, I hope they'll be able to help her."

Wyldon looked ahead at the building ahead of them, staring at one of the guards standing post. "Me too," he said, his voice so low that Owen could barely hear him. "Me too."

"They aren't going to make her..."

Wyldon sighed. "They can't make her do anything, no. They might encourage her not to go through with it but..."

"I'm not sure she can do either," Owen said. "I just... What are we going to do?"

"We're going to the palace, Owen. Getting you trained and..."

No wonder she thinks we're dumping her, he thought. Wyldon just wants me to move on and train even though she's hurting. And how could he train? How could Wyldon train him when he knew Margarry was suffering? What was he, mad? "I can't train, not when she's..."

Wyldon grabbed his arm. "Look at me, Owen," Wyldon said, his eyes full of a desperate sort of rage. "We can't... We can't live like this anymore, Owen. If you can't deal with anything, how will she?"

He hung his head. "I guess..." How could he function? The love of his life was gone, or at least some massive part of her was. Some bastard took the best part of Margarry and left a shell of her.

"We don't have all day, Jesslaw," Wyldon said. "I have everything arranged already."

Owen nodded, but looked ahead blankly. He would practice surely but what was the point?

"Good," Owen managed to say.

"Come on, Owen," Wyldon said.

Owen gave a tug to the right and suddenly Happy started walking. Happy. Of course Happy was Happy, he thought because Happy was a horse. Happy would not have to deal with what he did. Happy was protected from harm and everything was fine in his world as long as he was fed.

Wow, Owen thought. I'm jealous of a horse. Wow.

Pushing the thoughts from his head, he went on ahead, focusing on the townspeople in the square instead of his knightmaster's face.

**I feel terrible for not having updated in so long! Ack, I'm terrible! Anyway, please review. **


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